


Hot. Hot Sex.

by Lisamc21



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Bossy Patrick, Bratty David, Egregious misuse of office supplies, M/M, Masturbation, Rimming, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:53:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27501088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lisamc21/pseuds/Lisamc21
Summary: When David pushes Patrick's buttons and inventory gets sexy.I saw agif set on Tumblrtoday and it gave me an idea so here we are. I'd apologize, but I'm really not sorry.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 38
Kudos: 210





	Hot. Hot Sex.

“David.” Patrick turned in the office chair as the printer whirred to life.

David knew that tone. The one Patrick used when David complained about sweeping or argued that selling toilet paper didn’t fit with his brand vision. Also the one he used when he told David to slowly strip his clothes or take a long shower and clean himself thoroughly. That’s what made that tone so fucking hot. Patrick didn’t have a sex voice. Patrick’s voice _was_ sex.

“What?” David dropped one hand to his hip and waved the other near his head. He knew what was coming, but he wasn’t going to make it easy on Patrick.

“Inventory is a core part of a product-based business. There’s no getting around it.”  
“I could make the argument that inventory is a business task and you handle the business stuff.”

Patrick slowly rose from his chair and stepped into David’s space. And, okay, he may have sucked in a breath because Patrick was fucking hot. _Especially_ with his no-nonsense _this is how we do business_ attitude. “And I could make the argument that knowing where we stand on our products is a creative decision. You’ve made it quite clear that product decisions fall under your side of the house.”

David bit his lips between his teeth to stop his smirk from forming at the fire in Patrick’s eyes. “But inventory involves counting and counting involves numbers and you’re the numbers guy.”

Patrick took another step forward. Close enough for David to feel his warm breath. “And inventory involves knowing what’s selling well and what’s not. And you need that information when you place orders for next month.”

They stared into each other’s eyes. David knew by the slight shallowing of Patrick’s breath and tilt of his chin that he was nearing his limit with David’s shit. David _loved_ those days. The orgasms ruthlessly delivered by a fed up Patrick were fucking magic. Good thing Ray was out of town for the night.

“Fine.”

“Thank you for doing your job, David. I’m so grateful.” Patrick said, deadpan, as he turned back to the printer.

“How long do you think this will take? Think we’ll have time to get pizza before they close?”

Patrick handed David part of the stack of papers. The paper still warm from the printer. “If you quit bitching and get to work, then maybe.”

David’s mouth twitched as he saluted Patrick. “Yes, sir.”

Patrick swatted David’s ass with the remaining papers. “It’s my turn to pick the music.”

David groaned. “Are you going to play that whiny white guy shit again?” He didn’t actually mind Patrick’s music, but he refused to admit it. Just as Patrick refused to admit he enjoyed the divas, which was a fact David gleefully learned after overhearing Patrick sing Mariah in the shower last month. They had appearances to keep up and benign arguments to fuel, after all.

“Now I am.” Patrick pulled his phone from his pocket and plugged it into their sound system.

David turned and walked out into the main room, hiding his grin. A few more well-timed pokes, and Patrick would crack like an egg in an omelette.

He worked efficiently through his half of the inventory sheets. The promise of pizza and not having to muffle his moans at Ray’s motivated him more than a steal on a gently used Givenchy sweater. Just a couple more quips and he’d have Patrick perfectly worked up right when they were finishing for the evening.

Patrick crouched down to count stock along a bottom shelf. The way his thighs bulged in his cheap jeans should be a misdemeanor. The filthy thoughts filling David’s mind at the sight should be a felony. He’d gladly plead guilty.  
Patrick's thick fingers flipped through the pages. David spotted his next target: red rubber thimbles on his left thumb and forefinger. They looked ridiculous. “Worried about catching an STI from the vintage suitcases? I suppose there could be a dangerous strain of World War II syphilis lurking on them.”

Patrick turned his head and frowned. “Huh?”

David stepped toward him and used his pen to point toward the garish accessories. “Your finger condoms.”

Patrick held his hand in front of his face and seemed to study the things for an unnecessarily long amount of time. “My rubber finger tips?” He looked up at David with his jaw tight. “They prevent paper cuts and help me turn the pages.”  
That _tone_.

“Hot. Hot sex.” He bit the inside of his cheek.  
Patrick stared at him, still crouched. David’s thighs would have given out already. He stood and faced David, then gripped David’s biceps. Not hard enough to bruise, but hard enough David knew he meant business. Patrick walked David back toward the store room. “You’ve been needling me all day.”

“Have I?” He should be embarrassed that his voice sounded like a squeak, but there were more pressing matters. Hopefully involving some actually pressing of some matters against or into other matters.

Patrick easily maneuvered David around the table in the middle of the store and the counter. “Yes. You’ve pushed all my buttons.”

“I’m sorry?”

Patrick pushed David against the wall near their storeroom loveseat. “You’re not sorry.”

“I’m not,” he breathed.

“Wanted to get me riled up?” Patrick used his firm body to press David into the wall. He had an incredible way of making David feel smaller. “Want me to show you how to be good for me?”

David whimpered as Patrick slid a hand under his sweater and the finger condoms scratched across the patch of hair covering his chest, stopping to pinch his nipple. “I can be good.” One nipple pinch and he was near panting. Patrick was a goddamn wizard.

Patrick scraped his thumb and forefinger down David’s chest then used his rubber-covered thumb to tug David’s bottom lip down. “You think these are ridiculous, huh?”

“I don’t think I said that.”

“I think it was implied, David.” His pupils flared. “I’ll show you hot hot sex.” Patrick took a long step back. “I want you naked.”

David studied Patrick for a moment to see if he wanted to push his brattiness further. He clocked the tic in Patrick’s jaw, the slight clenching of his fists, the growing bulge in his jeans, the faster rise and fall of his chest. David had him _exactly_ where he wanted him. Without breaking eye contact, he carefully lifted his sweater over his head. Patrick took it from him and folded it while David peeled his skinny jeans down his legs. Patrick made no move to remove any of his own clothes, and David waited for the embarrassment to hit. Standing naked in the storage room of his store after hours, his boyfriend rocking Levi’s, a button-up, and a semi. But how could he be self-conscious when Patrick looked at David like he’d single-handedly won the World Series for the Blue Jays? Patrick would be so proud to know David knew the right name for the baseball finale. He straightened his shoulders.

“Touch yourself. I want you hard.”

No problem there. He wouldn’t have to work very long, though he’d thought they’d make it to Ray’s before Patrick entered full bossy mode. This was going to a fucking good night.

He gripped his cock and gave it a few slow strokes while watching Patrick. When Patrick’s tongue darted out to wet his lips, David brought his palm to his mouth and licked. “I’ll be so good for you, baby.”

“You will.” Patrick palmed himself over his jeans, and David groaned. “Look at you getting hard for me.” Patrick stalked toward David and licked a stripe up his neck. “You’re going to come here. Then we’re going to eat dinner, and then you’re going to come again back home.”

_Home_. “What about you? When are you going to come?” David got a good rhythm going.

Patrick leaned in and nipped David’s earlobe. “If you’re good for me and do what I say, then I’ll let you get me off.”

David’s knees almost gave out. “I’ll do anything you say.”

“Get on the couch. On your knees, grab the back of the couch. I want your ass in the air.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. Patrick stepped back, and David strode over to the couch. A passing thought to the vulnerable position he got in was squashed by his breathless anticipation.

Moments later, Patrick’s hands rubbed and squeezed David’s ass. The rubber things felt foreign on his skin, but the small nodules added a new sensation he didn’t exactly hate.

“I’m going to play with your hole, but you aren’t going to touch yourself until I say. You’re going to be good for me, aren’t you?”

David nodded vigorously, but realized he hadn’t verbalized. “Yup. Yeah. Uh-huh. Keeping my hands here.”

“Good boy.”

He heard Patrick shuffle behind him, then his boyfriend’s strong hands ran up and down his thighs, squeezing his ass. Fingers dipped close to his crease, but not close enough. “Patrick, please. _Please_.” He shifted his hips and sought Patrick’s fingers.

“I’m calling the shots, and you’re going to take what I give you.” David’s cock twitched at Patrick’s tone. “Good.”

Slick fingers slid along his perineum. He clenched the back of the couch to keep his body still, but, fuck, all he wanted to do was rock back toward Patrick’s face.

Patrick ran a finger around his hole. Teasing, dancing around where he wanted it to go. He wanted Patrick to fuck him sloppy with his fingers and get him ready for his cock. But he’d riled Patrick up and had to pay the price. The sweet, sweet, price. He’d adjusted to Patrick’s rhythm and found himself inching closer and closer to the edge. “So good. This feels so good.”

“Yeah? You want more?”

“Mm, yeah, baby. I want whatever you’ll give me.”

David’s hips rocked forward at the new sensation on his hole, and Patrick squeezed David’s hip reassuringly. David let out a breath and focused on the unfamiliar touch. Slick, but not as slick as Patrick’s lubed fingers. It almost dragged on his skin, but in a good way. And the little nodules added a— “Are you rubbing me with those fucking rubber things?” He turned and shot an incredulous look at Patrick, who thought the best course of action was to bite David on the ass.

“You said they’re ridiculous, and I wanted to prove you wrong. I bet they feel so good against your sensitive skin. Tell me how it feels.”

Narrowing his eyes at his boyfriend for a long moment, he dropped his shoulders and groaned when Patrick slide a lubed (rubberless) finger inside to the knuckle. The combined sensation of a finger in him and the rubber thing rubbing against him was, well, fucking magic. “Patrick, oh God, it feels so good.” He rocked his hips back into Patrick’s finger.

“I told you not to move.”

He froze. “I’m sorry.”

Patrick pulled his finger out, and David moaned at the loss. “If you move again, you don’t get to touch me tonight.”

That was the absolute last thing he wanted. He needed to get his hands and mouth on Patrick later. _Needed_ it more than air. “Okay. Okay.”

Patrick massaged around his hole again with the rubber finger tip in varying speeds and pressure. Jesus. Those things should be sold in a sex shop alongside the textured condoms. Before David had enough time to think about the possibility of merchandising them in the store, Patrick licked a stripe across David’s hole.

“Fuck. Fuck! So good. I love your tongue.” David moaned.

Patrick pressed the tip of his tongue inside as he dragged his rubber-covered thumb up and down his perineum. His legs wobbled as his body tried to hold onto the pleasure as long as he could.

Patrick paused the licks. “Come for me. Touch yourself.” He resumed his long strokes with his tongue, kitten licks, fucking him open with it, rubbing his rubbered fingers around the sensitive edges. He was so caught up in it he couldn’t get a rhythm going, but it didn’t matter. He was too close.

“So good. God, so good!” David’s body tensed as his orgasm washed over him, coming in his fist. Patrick slowed his licks down and massaged his ass while David pumped himself dry.

“That was so hot. You were good for me, David. So good.”

He dropped his forehead against the back of the couch and tried not to fall to the side.

Patrick kissed each of his ass cheeks. “I’ve got you, honey.” He sat next to David on the couch and pulled David onto his lap. He pulled the box of tissues off the table next to the couch and held it out for David to grab from. He cleaned off his hand as Patrick rubbed his back.

“You seemed to enjoy that.”

David huffed out a laugh. “You could say that. I didn’t realize office supplies could have so many uses.”

“Tip of the iceberg, David. Tip of the iceberg.” Patrick kissed David on the cheek, and he leaned into the sweet gesture. “We didn’t finish inventory.”

“I know I should care but I barely remember my name, let alone how to count.”

“You know this means we’ll have to start early tomorrow.”

David dropped his head against Patrick’s shoulder. “Worth it.”

* * *

_One month later_

“If we hurry through inventory, we can get to the Thai place before it closes.” Patrick handed a set of papers to David. “Your half.”

David blushed at the memory of their last evening doing inventory. He loved that Thai place, but the prospect of playing with the finger condoms again would make it worth putting off the best pad Thai in the region for another couple of days.

He accepted the papers and eagerly looked at Patrick’s hands. But… no rubber finger tips? Oh. He knew Patrick threw out the ones after last time, but surely they came in a box or something.

“Okay, yeah, um, Thai sounds great.”

Patrick smiled at him. His easy, friendly, neutral smile. Not the one that promised mind-blowing sex or the one that showed he intended to tease David within an inch of his life. “Everything okay?”

“Yup. Just getting in the headspace to efficiently and effectively count products.”

Patrick squeezed David’s shoulder. “Good attitude.”

The little shit.

Patrick pulled a small tub from his pocket and twisted off the top. He ran this thumb and forefinger through it.

“What’s that?”

“It’s finger moisturizer. It helps flip through papers. Want some?” He held out out and didn’t smirk or anything. That same neutral smile.

“I’m good, thanks.” David spun on his heel and started his counting in the far side of the store.

A couple of hours later, David followed Patrick up the stairs to the apartment he’d moved into last week. The pad Thai had been exceptionally delicious. Maybe he could get an exceptionally delicious blowjob too.

They changed into their lounging clothes and traded easy kisses as they watched mindless reality TV. Once their kissing became more urgent, Patrick guided them to his bed.

“I want you so much,” Patrick said as David kissed a path down Patrick’s stomach.

“Yeah? How do you want me?” He loved the moment of anticipation. A moment of not knowing what Patrick would suggest or ask for. He slowly removed Patrick’s boxer-briefs as his tongue chased the waistband.

“I want you to grab the lube and we’ll go from there.”

Mm. He liked the sound of that. David crawled up Patrick’s body and reached over to the nightstand drawer. He pulled it open to pull out his favorite lube. But that wasn’t what caught his attention. No. His sexy troll of a boyfriend had a box of fucking finger condoms in the drawer.

David grabbed them and sat up, straddling Patrick’s thighs. “Are you kidding me?”

Patrick’s cheeks turned pink. “I couldn’t use them in the store after last month. Every time I looked at them, I got hard.” Patrick licked his lips, and David rewarded his honesty with a deep kiss.

“So you brought them home?”

Patrick somehow managed to shrug while laying on the bed. “You seemed to like them.”

David grinned. “Oh, I did. How about we see how you like them?”

Patrick’s smile grew. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm over on Tumblr at [lisamc-21](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lisamc-21).


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